I hate being stuck at the end of a line of cars inside a large, multi-level underground parking lot. Everyone is looking for an empty space, of course, and it takes forever — cruising the same lanes, driving really slow, floor to floor to floor. Occasionally the line stops and nobody moves because somebody three or four cars ahead is waiting for a person who’s just gotten into their car to leave, except that person…excuse me, that sociopath isn’t leaving but just sitting in the driver’s seat and diddling around, knowing full well that he/she is making all the empty-space seekers wait. This person will typically sit and sit and sit and finally turn on the ignition and then sit there some more. Four or five minutes later he/she will finally back out. If there was a God…
What I do now and then is break free from this shit and just race around and look for a spot somewhere else. I can’t stand it sometimes and I have to be a wild horse in the northern Nevada desert with Clark Gable and Eli Wallach on my ass. Even if it means occasionally driving down a one-way lane the wrong way. When I do that I usually run into some guy driving the correct way and of course he gets outraged that I’m not following the rules, and to convey this he honks the horn and goes “heyyyy!!” and frowns and points an admonishing finger like he’s some safety-patrol kid or some brown-nose who’s minding the fourth-grade class while the teacher is down the hall. Whenever this happens I always honk my horn and point and go “heyyy!” and frown right back. Whenever I do this these guys go into their “oh, you’re such a disgusting nihilist and an anti-social low-life” routine, which involves feigning nausea by making an ugly face and shaking their heads and all that crap. In response I will smile and wave and tell them fuck you too.
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